The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
