Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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