guys are only as good as the porn they watch
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
