what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
