I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
