you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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