Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
