I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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