You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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