Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
