I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Vodka?
Forever.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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