4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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