Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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