dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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