K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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