I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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