Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
