I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
