i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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