No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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