conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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