If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
