I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
