where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
