I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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