why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
