I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
