I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
