Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize