take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Randomize
