Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
