he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
they're like a gay fantastic four
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
