The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize