haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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