No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
