I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
