She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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