I think I died a long time ago.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
