I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
