If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
