you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
