i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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