Fine. I'll sleep in my office
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize