She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize