i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
