My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
why is half of my head shaved?
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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