i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
When are your genitals available?
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Randomize
