im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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