im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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