Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize