He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Randomize
