Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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