Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
