I didn't shave. On purpose
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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