I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
