Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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