Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
