On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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