You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
