I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
