One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
it was like eating out sand paper
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
