Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
