I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
