So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
