sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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