You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
