the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
