I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Randomize
