1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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