there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
