I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
