Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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