I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Randomize
