smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
