drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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