And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize