dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
