I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
