I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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