She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
