Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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