Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
