by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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