he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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