So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
