I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
