3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
