There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize