my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
