I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
