Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
