"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
This toilet bowl is my home.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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