Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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