I smell stomach acid.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
