you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
