Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Randomize
