you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
