I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
