she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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