He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
