I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
