How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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