I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
