Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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