someone get that fucking seahorse.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
