I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
