this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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