so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
