does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
