yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
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