I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
