Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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