i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Randomize
