Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
