We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Ambien. No doubt about it.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
