I think I just saw someone hide a body.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
