Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Couch. On fire.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize