Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
