I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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