Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
