Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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